“Boys will be boys” is problematic. Excusing misbehavior as just “boys being boys” teaches both boys and girls that that behavior is acceptable.
Instead, we want kids to learn how to:
– Take full responsibility for their actions
– Recognize mistakes and repair relationships
– Express their emotions in ways that don’t hurt others
– Play while respecting others’ boundaries
– Resolve conflicts effectively
– Communicate their own boundaries to others and advocate for themselves
All of the above require us as parents to create space for boys to express their emotions. This helps them understand their feelings, self-regulate, and recognize other people’s emotions (which is foundational for empathy!).
What does this look like?
Here are four things to say instead to show confidence in your son that he can self-regulate and treat others with kindness:
1. “Let’s talk about what happened and find a solution together.”
2. “We can all make good choices.”
3. “Let’s make sure we’re playing safely and respecting each other’s boundaries.”
4. “I’m so proud of you for telling me how you feel.”
These are just examples. Remember, there’s no one perfect parenting script. Take these as inspiration and run with it. You’ve got this!