Keeping Your Toddler Safe: What You Need to Know

As parents, we want to do everything in our power to protect our kids. Part of this responsibility involves teaching them about consent and safety. Although young children may not fully understand these concepts yet, starting the conversation early lays the foundation for a lifelong understanding of personal boundaries and safety. 

Research shows that kids who have talked to their parents about safety issues are less susceptible, and more likely to report abuse. Why? Because when subjects are not taboo, or secret, children come to normalize discussions about them, and feel more open and comfortable raising those issues to adults. By having these conversations, you make it okay for them to talk to you.

Let's explore some essential steps to empower our toddlers.

Teaching Consent:

Consent is a crucial aspect of respecting personal boundaries and empowering individuals to make their own choices. Even at a young age, we can begin introducing the concept to our toddlers. 

Reinforce Body Autonomy: Explain to your child that no one besides their doctor or you are allowed to touch their “bathing suit parts” (everything covered by their bathing suit). Add teachers if your child is still in a diaper and may be changed at school or day care. Tell them that it is NEVER OK for anyone else to touch those parts, or for them to touch those parts on anyone else.

You can say, “I am your mommy, so I may need to help you and touch you, but you can always tell me if it doesn’t feel OK.” 

Use the Real Names of Body Parts: Research tells us that when kids know the real names for their body parts (penis, vagina) instead of cutesy names, they are less likely to become victims of sexual abuse. Not only does this reduce shame associated with their bodies, it helps them communicate clearly if something happens to them.

Model Consent: Start by asking your toddler for permission before giving hugs or engaging in physical play, like tickling. You could try saying, “It looks like your sister is sad. Do you want to ask if she wants a hug?” Show them that their response matters and that they have the right to say no.

Extend Consent Beyond Physical Touch: Introduce the idea of asking permission before sharing their stories, art, or videos of them with others. For example, “Do you want to show grandma what you made?” Let them know they have control over how their personal experience is shared..

Managing Secrets:

Secrets can be powerful and sometimes dangerous. Teaching our toddlers about secrets helps them understand what's appropriate to keep private and what should be shared with trusted adults.

Explain Different Types of Secrets: Clarify that some secrets are fun surprises, but other secrets can be dangerous or harmful. Encourage open communication about surprises and minimize secrets that cause distress.

No Secrets Policy: Create an environment where secrets are not kept within the family. Emphasize that it's essential to talk openly about any concerns or experiences. “We can still have things that are “private,” but we don’t need to worry about keeping secrets from each other.”

Encourage Disclosure: Assure your child that they can always come to you or another trusted adult if someone asks them to keep a secret. Reinforce that their safety is the top priority and that they will never get in trouble for telling you a secret. Research tells us that when a child knows they won’t get punished for sharing a secret, they’re more likely to open up to their caregiver. 

Safety in Public Places: 

Stay Present: In public places, teach your child to stop, look for their grown up, and give a thumbs up regularly to make sure that communication stays open. This also requires that you make sure any caregivers are off their devices and alert when in public with your child. Don’t assume that the number of caregivers present is keeping your child safer. Accidents and incidents are actually more likely to happen when adults think other adults are present and watching.

If They Get Separated: Teach your child that if they get separated from you to stop moving and stay where they are. It will make it easier for you to find them if they aren’t running around looking for you. Tell them to be LOUD and to look for a family closeby or someone in a uniform to tell them, “I’m lost.” 

Learn Their Info: Toddlers should learn their full name, your full name, your address, and cell phone number. Practice this by making them into a song or a clapping game. Recite this over and over again until they can successfully memorize the information. Until then (and maybe even after), consider putting labels in your child's coat, backpack or sneakers that have this information on it. Teach your child to look in those places if they need to reach you or are in an emergency.

“Stranger danger” can be misleading.

The concept of "stranger danger" has long been used to caution kids, but it's not as straightforward as it sounds. The truth is, not every stranger is a bad guy, and most of the time, safety concerns involve people your child already knows. Instead of scaring them with the idea of "stranger danger," it's better to teach them situational awareness: to be aware of their surroundings and to recognize when something doesn't feel right – no matter who's involved. 

Remind your child that they never need to talk to or help an adult that comes to talk to them without a trusted adult nearby.

“Sometimes an adult you may not know could ask you to help them with something or may try to talk to you. Even though you may want to help or be polite, you don’t need to. It may not be safe, so you need to tell an adult you trust right away.”

"Safe adults do not ask children for help, they will ask another adult."

Create a Code Word for Pick Ups: Create a code word that you share with your family and anyone authorized to pick up your child from school. Teach your child that they should ask for the code word every time a new person offers them a ride, asks them to come with them, or says there is an emergency. If that person does not know the code word, tell your child to find a trusted adult and call you for help.

Teach Them to Listen to Their Gut: Even though little kids don’t yet have a reliable gut for decision making, they are familiar with the sensation of knowing that something isn’t right.

“Sometimes when you’re doing something you may have that little feeling that whatever is happening isn’t good, or that mommy may not like it. That is your body telling you that maybe you need to stop or get help. It’s good to listen to your body and come and get me if you feel that way. I won’t be angry if you need help, and I will always listen.”

Gifts from Adults: Tell your child that you need to know about and approve anything that is given to them by another adult before they can accept it to make sure that it is safe.

Teach them to say, "I need to ask my mom first," and to come find you immediately.

These are HARD conversations to have - but they are essential. Empowering our toddlers with the knowledge of consent and safety lays the groundwork for them to be able to communicate with you about any concerns they have and advocate for themselves.