Is your child overscheduled? How to know when it’s too much

Parent-to-parent, take a moment to ask yourself: As the new school year gets going, are you getting caught up in the chaos? Is your child doing too much?

September is a hard month for all of us. New schools, new schedules, new routines and a rapid change of pace. And while there is a lot we can’t do to calm the chaos, one thing we can do is to take stock of our children’s schedules and make adjustments as needed. But how do you know when too much is too much?

First, the good stuff.

Extracurriculars have many benefits, including improved academic performance, positive attitudes, and physical health. When your child participates in an extracurricular, they are building a skill which helps them gain confidence, plus learn cooperation, persistence, problem solving, team building, and self-regulation. There are even hidden benefits, like gaining comfort interacting with adults, learning to find your “voice” in working with adults outside of teachers and parents, and improved communication skills as kids navigate different temperaments.

Then, the worries. 

Despite all the benefits, there are a few ways that too many, or the wrong type of extracurricular activities can have detrimental effects on children. One, is specialization. We have lots of research that early specialization in one sport can be damaging to children. High school athletes with a single sport were 70% more likely to have an injury than their peers who participate in multiple sports. This risk is increased with travel and club teams, and practice or play over 5 days per week. At all ages, there is also evidence that participation in too many activities (or too much of one) negatively impacts children through less sleep time, less downtime for open-ended and unstructured play. Children need downtime to recover, to learn, to expand their understanding of the world. Finally, as children age, research shows increased stress, anxiety and burnout among children who are overextended in their extracurricular activities. This can lead to risk seeking behavior like drug or alcohol, or other “antisocial” behaviors.

What to look for:

#1 Exhaustion. Falling asleep by 4:45pm is not unheard of in the beginning of a new school year. Especially for those kiddos who are transitioning to a full-day for the first time. If afterschool activities are interfering with your ability to get your child to sleep at a reasonable bedtime (generally between 6-8pm), or causing the morning wake-up to be a struggle, it may be time to reevaluate.

#2 Behavioral changes. The start of the school year is a LOT of work. Kids are working hard to pay attention all day, and they need a place to “lose” it in the afternoons and evenings. Making sure they have unstructured playtime and enough “downtime” at every age is an important part of their learning and growing. 

#3 Injuries. Repetitive play can lead to an increase in injuries. If you’re noticing your child is routinely getting hurt or having physical pain associated with any sport or activity, it may be time to pull back on the practice schedule, or to talk to your healthcare provider about appropriate activity for their age. Be on the lookout for injuries associated with overuse, poor supervision or instruction, or related to insufficient stretching or strengthening.

#4 Stress. If your child is dreading an activity that is meant to be fun, it’s time to check in on priorities. Although a lot of good can come from trying new things and taking risks, there is no need for your child to suffer through something that is impacting their mental health. Pay attention to signs of discomfort, pressure, or strain. Read your child’s verbal and non-verbal cues. Is it a power struggle before practice? A stomach ache? Watch out for signs that your child is nervous or anxious about activities or games, and keep a close eye on the pressures and demands that are being placed on them (whether by themselves or others). Make sure you stay available and keep communication up with your child, so they feel safe sharing how they’re feeling.

#5 Withdrawal (or loss of passion). Signs of burnout include withdrawing from things your child once loved, spending less time with family and friends, and experiencing mood swings or other antisocial behaviors. If the fun is missing from something your child once loved, it is likely time to step back from the activity altogether.

A few tips to help prevent overscheduling:

• Love and appreciate your child for who they are, not what they do. Focus on making them feel they matter regardless of their achievements or abilities.

• Keep yourself in check with your own thinking and judgment. Are you pressuring your child to be an athlete or a musician? Trying to force them to like something you did growing up? Living out a dream of your own childhood?

• Leave societal pressure behind and make decisions that align with your child and family. Just because “everyone” is doing it, doesn’t mean it’s right.

• Choose activities with your child. Allow them to explore their passions and interests, not only the ones you think will serve them. Commit to one session (or season, depending on the activity) and give your child a chance to reevaluate. Keep checking in on how they feel - this will help support their decisions.

• Allow quitting (after a trial period). We don’t want to force our children to continue activities that they don’t enjoy. Set a “trial period” for a new activity and then leave room for reevaluation when that ends. 

• Be the consumer. If your sport or activity is demanding too much of your child, don’t be afraid to find something that is a better fit. Research shows that diversifying interests in the early years leads to great success as children age. Keep their activities varied and diverse, even against the pressure to commit.

Finally, remember that it is never too late for you to change course, choose a new path, or decide to try something new. Parenting is about responding to your child's changing needs, not getting it right the first time.